John's Blog

The Blog of John Gibson, PhD

Second marriages

Second Marriages

In this country, the divorce rate for first marriages weighs in at a whopping fifty percent. But the divorce rate for second marriages is even higher: sixty percent.

When people get divorced, it’s not uncommon for them to feel a strong desire to put the past behind them and move on. This is understandable, even laudable.

But if you move on without taking stock of what went wrong, you do yourself and your new partner a disservice. Marriages rarely fall apart because one party and one party alone was at fault. Typically, a pattern emerged in which both parties in the relationship contributed. It takes courage to explore this pattern and to identify your own role in helping to create it. It’s much easer to blame a former spouse for everything. But if you do that, what are the chances that you’ll escape the mistakes of the past?

As it turns out, couples can learn skills that help them communicate better. A little pre-marital counseling, whether it's your first marriage or your second, might save you some heartache later.